It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
so much tequila, so little girl.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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