I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
