that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
