when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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