I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
