you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
