i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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