the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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