i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
