She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
