cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
