i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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