The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize