Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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