thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
