I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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