Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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