he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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