i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
