i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize