i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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