do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
