let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
