i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
