Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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