saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
