I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
