I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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