Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
