im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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