Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
