So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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