Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
