When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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