you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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