Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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