My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
