I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
