Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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