come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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