bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
