Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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