it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
