My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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