Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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