I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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