the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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