Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
