Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
