have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
