Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
