i was rollin on her like bob the builder
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
