i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
