He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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