she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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