Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
