I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
