Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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