Pregnant stripper...not hot.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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