A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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