After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
How does it feel to date your dad?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
