At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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