Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
