I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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