Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
