next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you had me at cake vodka
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
