maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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