Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
