Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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