arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
