I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
