Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
