And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
