walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You ruined the universe
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
